I just went partners with my bank. They own half my car.

Einstein dies and goes to heaven only to be informed that his room is not yet ready. I hope you will not mind waiting in a dormitory. We are very sorry, but it’s the best we can do and you will have to share the room with others he is told by the doorman.

Einstein says that this is no problem at all and that there is no need to make such a great fuss. So the doorman leads him to the dorm. They enter and Albert is introduced to all of the present inhabitants. See, Here is your first room mate. He has an IQ of 180!

Why that’s wonderful! Says Albert. We can discuss mathematics!

And here is your third room mate. His IQ is 100!

That Wonderful! We can discuss the latest plays at the theater!

Just then another man moves out to capture Albert’s hand and shake it. I’m your last room mate and I’m sorry, but my IQ is only 80.

Albert smiles back at him and says, So, where do you think interest rates are headed?

Fresh out of business school, the young man answered a want ad for an accountant.

Now he was being interviewed by a very nervous man who ran a small business that he had started himself.

I need someone with an accounting degree, the man said. But mainly, I’m looking for someone to do my worrying for me.

Excuse me? the accountant said.

I worry about a lot of things, the man said. But I don’t want to have to worry about money. Your job will be to take all the money worries off my back.

I see, the accountant said. And how much does the job pay?

I’ll start you at eighty thousand.

Eighty thousand dollars! the accountant exclaimed.

How can such a small business afford a sum like that?

That, the owner said, is your first worry.

When a habit begins to cost money it is called a hobby.

A woman was cleaning her husbands dresser drawers when she found 3 golf balls and a box with $2000 in it. She waited for him to come home from the golf course to ask him why these things were hidden in his dresser drawer.

The husband said I’m sorry I hid this from you but the truth is every time I cheated on you over the last 30 years I put a golf ball in the drawer.

The wife was very upset at first but after thinking about it said I guess 3 times in 30 years is really not that bad! Oh by the way what is the $2000 in the drawer.

The husband replied Well every time I got to a dozen balls I sold them.

Bankers are people that help you with problems you would not have had without them.

A woman proudly told her friend, I’m responsible for making my husband a millionaire. Well what was he before he married you? the friend asked. A billionaire.

Once upon a time in a village, a man appeared and announced to the villagers that he would buy monkeys for $10 each. The villagers, seeing that there were many monkeys around, went out to the forest and started catching them.

The man bought thousands at $10 and as supply started to diminish, the villagers stopped their effort. He further announced that he would now buy at $20. This renewed the efforts of the villagers and they started catching monkeys again.

Soon the supply diminished even further and people started going back to their farms. The offer increased to $25 each and the supply of monkeys became so little that it was an effort to even see a monkey, let alone catch it!

The man now announced that he would buy monkeys at $50! However, since he had to go to the city on some business, his assistant would now buy on behalf of him.

In the absence of the man, the assistant told the villagers; Look at all these monkeys in the big cage that the man has collected. I will sell them to you at $35 and when the man returns from the city, you can sell them to him for $50 each.

The villagers rounded up with all their savings and bought all the monkeys.

They never saw the man nor his assistant, only monkeys everywhere!

Now you have a better understanding of how the stock market works.

A young stockbroker decided to take a day off and visit some of his professors in his old school. When he made his way into the entrance he noticed a dog was attacking a small child. He quickly grabbed the dog and throttled it with his two hands.

The next day the local newspaper reported the story with the headline, Valiant student saves boy from ferocious dog.

The stockbroker called the editor and strongly suggested that a correction be issued and that the paper will tell the readers he was a successful Wall Street broker and not a student.

The next day the newspaper issued a correction and the headline read, Pompous stockbroker kills school mascot.

A retired man visited a doctor to seek medical advice for what he suspects as new and very unusual health problems.Doc, I feel shortness of breath, dizziness, cold sweats, can’t sleep. Do you think I will collapse any time soon? Doctor: Yep. You must be from Wall Street!

A beautiful woman entered a bar and sat next to a lawyer. Listen honey, she said, For $50, I’ll do absolutely anything you want.